February 08, 2010

I dreamed a dream, that I haven't dreamed in almost 5 years...
Had a strange dream last night... Something I haven't dreamed in some 5 years since...

I 'opened' my eyes to find myself at my old Stoning spot on a breakwater at Pasir Ris beach.. Was about early evening, so it wasn't warm and very windy, partly due to it being overcast with a bank of dark clouds coming in from the sea... Had this strange feeling that someone was seated beside me, the same long-haired, slightly plump girl was seated beside me, her body and face turned away so I could only see the back of her head...

So I turned away and continued staring at the sea.. Then I heard this girl give out a soft "sigh", and felt her leaning her head on my shoulder..

We just sat that way for what felt like almost an hour, even continued through a light drizzle... And till the rain stopped, when I woke up...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 5:42:00 PM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

January 25, 2010

Out of sight.. Out of mind?
Today's SMZRD's birthday.. I recalled last night and found myself having flashbacks then.. Thought I should take stock here, to get it off my chest..

Maybe I should start with "how we met?"..

Hmm, ok.. Basically she was a temporary staff in a sister department, and a lunch kaki when I first joined.. Friendly, fun-loving and a cheerful bubble of energy that can brighten almost anyone's day... I never really got close to her, except during her last few days with the company... She knew that her contract wasn't going to be renewed, due to differences in opinion between her and her then-supervisor...

So basically she was feeling down and I asked her out for a dinner and movie, hoping to cheer her up before she left the company... Nothing much happened, except that we watched "Music & Lyrics" hand-in-hand... And went for dinner at Sushi Tei... Followed by sending her home and on the way, listening to her talk about her ex-supervisor and her plans after the company...

Then something unexpected happened.

After walking her back to her place, we hugged and she planted a kiss on my cheek... I guess that sort of started us going for a few more such outings... To Sentosa, VivoCity, Kallang Leisure Mall, Jurong Point, Marina Square...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 7:16:00 AM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

January 04, 2010

Twenty Ten
... "Eh Eugene, what's your resolution for 2010?" ...

I was stopped at the office lobby by my General Manager whilst on my way to get a coffee this morning...
Me: "Well, I dunno, Ringo... I try not to set resolutions, somehow something usually crops up along the way that ruins all my resolutions..."
Politically correct answer, you may say... But well, looking back at 2009, it does somehow hold true.

After 2009, I really don't quite feel like setting anymore resolutions. Don't want to have to go through the same pains of watching my dreams fade away right at the last moment like the ACTAP, or go up in a cloud of fire, ash and smoke like that income tax that was burnt away at the stroke of midnight on the December 31st that just went by.

Besides, I've still got God to contend with... Or rather, contend against...

Nonetheless, I guess since everyone's setting resolutions... I'll just join in the fun then... But no hoping against hope, this time...
Gene's 2010 Resolutions

1) A car
2) A great job...
3) Lose weight
4) Strike 4D/Toto..
5) A guardian angel
6) Go on a holiday
7) A Chillaxation? (A chill, relaxed vacation?)
8) I ran out of ideas here... Get laid, maybe?...
I kid... I kid...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 11:45:00 PM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

December 03, 2009

Reflect 2009
I think it's high time again, that I start to reflect again... On the year that's about to wrap up, stowed and kept in the throngs of what we call 'Time'...

2009 started on an interesting note. For once, I actually begin to think, maybe God finally decided he's had enough fun screwing with my life... And maybe... Just maybe, decided to put things right... Where they were and should have been left alone...

And so... I celebrated one year into my new job at CAPPAL. Finally pulled together enough funds with company support and started on my degree (with full blessing and support from the powers that be)... Continued my driving lessons that I stopped due to financial problems.. And I thought I was meeting someone new at school... So here was the plan... Get my driver's license... With the reimbursement, I should have enough to decently support a car while my tuition fees could be put on installment plans so they're not so strenuous...

I could have had it all... Then again, in my happiness... I guess I forgot about God... To be wary, to be on-guard against...

He struck again... Due to the downturn, the tuition support was withdrawn suddenly and just exactly at this point where I was informed, it was already just too late to withdraw from my studies without having to incur additional charges equivalent to the remainder of my tuition fees payable... So I had to scrimp, save and struggle to pull together funds to support my studies... On my own...

And people at home here.. Have someone supporting his/her studies.. And yet can fail umpteen times..

And so, the only redeeming factor is that I passed my driving... But what's the use of that?...

To make me browse through the Car Marts.. Scrimp, save just to barely scrape through monthly payments for my tuition fees... Then not just have to worry about my studies, and struggle to focus.. And ponder what it could have been?... Or should have been?...

Thank you, God.. Fuck You.. And Fuck Off..


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 12:51:00 AM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

November 08, 2009

A Way Back... From Way Back...
I suddenly thought of you when I saw this on Facebook...



Wonder how you're doing, SMZRD... Haven't heard from you in almost 6 months...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 2:44:00 PM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

October 30, 2009

One More Thing...
... Slashed Off My Wishlist...

Got my driving license today... *floats*... 12 Points...

Finally...

But you're... gone...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 7:17:00 PM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

August 24, 2009

Long Time No Bloggie
Alright... I think I took too long a hiatus between the previous post and this time... Missed me?...

Anyway... Updates...

Year 1, Term 2 went by kinda quickly... Not exactly hopeful for the exams (think I screwed up Econs & FOA2)... Hope results end up alright...

Anyway, got pissed off with a classmate recently... For all his 30-odd years of age, he seems to behave less than half that... Basically I'm close to two girls in class, and he's interested in one of them.. Dun ask me how I can tell, it's just a guy's intuition... Anyway, so just as I sensed, it seems he's spreading rumours around about me and her. Even though nothing of that sort is happening...

How I found out? Basically, after the Law exams, I walked out with Daphne (another classmate) to Queenstown MRT... And that's what happened...
Daphne: Who do you normally revise with?
Me: Me?... KH and Cheryl lor...
Daphne: *thinking*... Wah... So lucky, got love triangle...
Me: Huh? Wat the hell... What you mean?...
Daphne: Uh... Nothin-
Me: Say!...
Daphne: Uh... You and Mike after KH, right?
Me: What the fuck~... Who told you...
Daphne: Uh...
Me: Just say~!...
Daphne: Mike...
The conversation continued on... But seriously... The last time I saw something like that happening, was in P6, which continued on till Sec 2 maximum... Can't believe that at 25, I'm still see it happening, and what can be worse? Coming from someone 5 or 6 years older than me...

Anyway, saw him in class yesterday where he kept staring at me and asking me where the 2 girls went (both of them didn't come in)...

Tempted as I am to smack him silly, I'll remain professional with him...

For now...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 10:58:00 AM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

May 21, 2009

I Don't Know You Anymore...

I Don't Know You Anymore
Savage Garden

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called
but someone had to be the first to break

We can go sit on your back porch, relax,
Talk about anything, it don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend
That you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
and so has your name

We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give
to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold
If you know what I mean

Everyone's got an agenda, don't stop
Keep that chin up, you'll be all right
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same? Has your opinion changed?

'Cause I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
and so has your name

We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn't give
to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

'Cause I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
and so has your name

We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give
to see your face again

I see your face
I see your face
Sigh... Met up with SMZRD for a coffee... Six months after she disappeared...

Not sure why... But everytime she appears, I'll always feel "empty"...



RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 1:15:00 AM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

May 19, 2009

After so long...
She finally called... For wat, i'm not sure..

And why i'm back to feeling this.. Way...

I also don't know...

Sigh...


RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 6:46:00 PM :: 0 people clawing at my neck

March 29, 2009

用伤害结束, 爱才更动人?

SMZRD... If you're reading this... This song explains what I did then...

坏人
方炯镔

那一扇车门
关出我们的裂痕
一声就震断了
回头的路程

爱无法均分
以后就留给你们
也许用伤害结束
爱才更动人

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人, 也是个坏人
对我坦承, 只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任, 所以放了
这点痛, 我还能忍

我是好人, 也是个坏人
分得够狠, 你才有借口转身
宁愿爱, 一点不剩
也不忍, 看恋人爱成路人

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人, 也是个坏人
对我坦承, 只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任, 所以放了
这点痛, 我还能忍

我是好人, 也是个坏人
分得够狠, 你才有借口转身
宁愿爱, 一点不剩
也不忍, 看恋人爱成路人

三个人从不对等
总有个人必须牺牲
那永恒, 就等他带你完成

你是好人, 也是个坏人
对我坦承, 只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任, 所以放了
这点痛, 我还能忍

我是好人, 也是个坏人
分得够狠, 你才有借口转身
宁愿爱, 一点不剩
也不忍, 看恋人爱成路人

宁愿爱, 一点不剩
也不忍, 看恋人爱成路人

我没你们想象中的好... 没你们想象中的那么勇敢...



RUSHING UPON A BLADE @ 6:11:00 AM :: 0 people clawing at my neck



To the Archives ::